K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its about making memories worth repressing
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
