laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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