Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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