how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
