i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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