No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
