My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
