Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
