i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
