if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
