bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
a search helicopter?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
