Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
