I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
