I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
