if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
