smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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