so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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