As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sober January is a disaster.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
