i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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