my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
