and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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