I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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