don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
