i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
