we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
