called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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