I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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