Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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