My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
