Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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