it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
