she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
