So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
