I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
