were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
