Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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