I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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