69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
