(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
