you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
