what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
