Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
