Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Green mimosas i think yes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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