The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
