So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
