you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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