Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
