There is no way he is gay with that hair.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
