??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
