I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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