Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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