lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
